@AristotlesNZ: Got caught again. Next time I'm stealin alcohol from the neighbor's, I gotta remember not to do it hummin the Mission Impossible theme song.
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@suzieQ0007: 5yo: if superman & batman had a big fight, superman could throw him into space where he'd suffocate'. I'm raising a problem solver you guys.
@flashember: Wife: Sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite! Me: Haha funny. [under the mattress] Bed Bug King: TONIGHT WE DINE IN HELL *tiny drums bang*
@josh___grant: Don't people with bumper stickers realize it takes a t-shirt to change a person's deeply held beliefs?
@thesulk: Just picked up an unknown call with a "Hello?" An old woman said "Joan?" So, I can cross "mistaken for a Joan" off the bucket list.