@mstluvstrinkets: Got fast food so many times this week that when mcd's asked me to pull out front to wait for my order, I was expecting an intervention.
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@k_lli: Social butterfly? Nah. I'm more like a social Sasquatch. Some people swear they've seen me, but no one really believes them.
@ArfMeasures: [Me as a hairdresser] ME: What do u think of your haircut HER: I need more volume ME [leans in too close] WHAT DO U THINK OF YOUR HAIRCUT
@OutOnTheMoors: A CW pronounces both "r"s in February, both "d"s in Wednesday and has just told me the "correct" way to say segue. Please send weapons.
@FirstDateStory: "Went to watch a movie, I was wearing shorts and he swiped his finger on my leg. Later found out he wiped his booger on me"