@mstluvstrinkets: Got fast food so many times this week that when mcd's asked me to pull out front to wait for my order, I was expecting an intervention.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@LizHackett: Wrap toilet paper around you like a wedding dress and slowly get naked as you tear pieces off to blow your nose all day.
@randomlawless: Men don't ignore us; they have selective hearing. Give them instructions for roasted turkey & they'll remember "breast, thighs, moist & hot"
@DanielRCarrillo: "I'm a green onion and I'm here to say, I can be enjoyed most every day." -A rapscallion
@QwertyJones3: [nail salon] Excuse me, do you do filing here? "Yes of course we do!" Great! I need a good refund *hands over tax forms*