@BradBroaddus: Got in a fight with the wife so I didn't let her sleep on the couch with me last night.
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@michaelianblack: Common courtesy: don't bring McDonalds French fries on the plane unless you bring enough for everybody.
@MouthOfSass: Just found some clothes my ex left here. Perfect timing since I'm out of toilet paper.
@mattgallo123: Plastic silverware: because the only thing I hate more than poisoning the environment is washing dishes.
@TheAlexP: Some people are like 5yr olds, they shake heads in agreement, but you KNOW by the look in their eyes, they have no clue what you just said.