@TheRobCee: Got kicked off the cruise ship after three day of constantly saying "poop deck" & snickering.
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@SirEviscerate: ME: Here's your Mickey Mouse pancake HER: This isn't Mickey Mouse shaped ME: I suppose you'd think banana pancakes should be banana shaped
@ErrenMichaels: [a handsome man falls and cuts his hand] Me: *tries to rip the hem of my dress to make a bandage, like a Regency heroine, but I'm too weak*
@NoLuckWanted: A guy just offered to buy me a drink. I declined, but heard him say lesbo to his pal. I replied "Only for you, baby". Now he feels special.