@Tmoney68: Got kicked out of the karaoke bar last night for getting 3 women pregnant when I sang Careless Whisper.
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@Shade510: Me 5pm: Need to go easy on the booze tonight, have to function tomorrow. Me 1am: *twerking in a Denny's parking lot.
@Robert_Beau: The reason that there are so many tweets about cats is that people with dogs go outside.
@JosesLovesYou: Sometimes I loiter outside of Victoria's Secret just so people think I have a girlfriend.
@TFLN: (513): They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.