@Eric_Bader: Got laid twice in two days so either I've done something really good or my wife has done something really bad.
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@PhuckinCody: me: ted is coming over tonight wife: i always feel ostricized when ted is over me: hun, *i take her hand* you are nothing like a giant bird
@Mr_Kapowski: Him: This house is perfect for us! Her: What about the kids? Him: You're right. We'll have to put them up for adoption
@daemonic3: Here you go, Merry Christmas! "Dad, why'd you wrap our gifts in soft fabric?" Because I wanted to make- Mom: NO DON'T My presents felt