@WilliamAder: Got my flu shot and now everyone in Walgreens knows my safe word.
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@paperphotoyo: Being a parent means you have to make gigantic sacrifices like quality sleep and the backs to every remote control in your house.
@iLikeCatShirts: *throws a rock at a bird* Me [writing in "science" journal]: birds don't like rocks.
@Playing_Dad: If you give a man a PS4, he will play for a day. If that man buys the PS4 he will not shower for 2 months.