@IamEnidColeslaw: got so drunk last night that I ate a salad
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@Home_Halfway: INTERVIEWER: What's your biggest weakness? VANILLA ICE: I've been known to steal under pressure
@WilliamRodgers: When people tell me "You're gonna regret that in the morning" I sleep in til noon, because I'm a problem Solver
@Slygirl08: *Really attractive person waves at me in their car*-*I wave back enthusiastically*-*realizes they were just putting their visor down*
@Tmoney68: Today, I saw a sign outside a dental office that said "We do our business in your mouth" and I haven't stopped laughing.