@IamEnidColeslaw: got so drunk last night that I ate a salad
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@TheTweetOfGod: Time is money. Money talks. So time talks. But talk is cheap. So time is cheap. But time is money. So money is cheap. Which it's not.
@Donna_McCoy: There's nothing more difficult than trying to convince a narcissist that you don't like them.
@MelKassel: *pulling up to toll both with megaphone in hand* Booth operator: ma'am please not again Me: someBODY once tolled me—
@jakob_huber: One of the most romantic things a rose can do for another rose is leave a trail of human body parts from the front door to the bedroom.