@Smooheed: Got so drunk last night that I was able to translate three Pearl Jam albums into English
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@Th3BadGuy__: I asked a girl to kiss me under a mistletoe and she said she wouldn't kiss me under anesthesia.
@RxitWounds: Is this your 1st video conference call? *Takes HUGE bong rip* *Holding it in* umm no So you're aware we can see you? *Cough* what *cough*
@JermHimselfish: Treat her like she's the only girl on Earth. Nothing makes a woman happier than the thought of every other woman disappearing forever.
@slaughthie: Whoever speaks at my funeral will probably just look over at my casket and say "well, she was always kind of like this."