@Brianhopecomedy: Got suspended from Instagram for going on everyone's food pics and posting the calories.
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@tastefactory: Most people use photoshop to create amazing art or graphic design. I use it to make fake Doritos flavors.
@rockymomax: HER: I'm leaving you ME: why HER: u lie to me constantly ME: ha! u don't just leave the man who invented the spatula Amber
@OctopusCavemann: Wolfman: *Drinks a Coors Light* Noooooo! Me: OMG you’re dying because Coors Light is called The Silver Bullet? Wolfman: No this beer is just gross.