@TheCatWhisprer: Got the dermatologist recommended detergent and dryer sheets and I'm pretty sure it would've been cheaper to just buy a whole new body.
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@pleatedjeans: [cruising down highway in friend's car with windows down] me: [opens bag of glitter]
@OreoSpeedwagon_: Adopt 25 cats and you'll never be alone. Also melt cheese on things. Not the cats though. -me as a therapist
@SirEviscerate: Heads, you give me your phone number, tails you go on a date with me. *flips coin into ceiling fan, it's knocked out a window into the sea*