@donni: Got this super hard game on my phone called Bank Of America. You only get a power up every 2 weeks? Need cheat codes
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@MrsTomServo: Barbie didn't give me a poor body image; Barbie taught me you can't reattach a head once it's been removed from the body.
@AbrasiveGhost: GOD: [as a kid] DINOSAURS! GOD: [as a teenager] You will know the profound sadness of existence, humans.
@carlyken: My work day has been like the movie Sound of Music. But with less singing. And more Nazis.
@geowizzacist: (after bedtime) 3:DADDY COME INTO MY ROOM! Me: go to sleep. 3:YOU HAVE TO COME IN BECAUSE I CAN'T HEAR YOU M: yes you can 3:NO I CAN'T