@dave_cactus: Got thrown out of a funeral today for saying Bazinga during the eulogy. That's OK; I can only pretend to be dead for so long.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@thepaulahunt: I am "I have to go to bed because my back hurts from sitting on the couch" years old.
@TweetPotato314: I think we should have a suggestion box at work but there’s no way for me to bring it up.
@GrowlyGrego: FIRED? But I just started! How could I have known we don't do casual Fridays here? Fine. Direct your own goddamn funeral. *flip-flops away*
@thatdutchperson: They say that wherever you travel becomes a part of you. So I'm pretty sure I'm 98% living room.