@dave_cactus: Got thrown out of a funeral today for saying Bazinga during the eulogy. That's OK; I can only pretend to be dead for so long.
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@robdelaney: A hand grenade to a daycare? RT @McDonalds: #ShamrockShake is to spring as _____ is to _______.
@: sibling culture is not talking to each other for awhile and then texting them “this is you” along with a picture of an ugly bird you found online
@OVLH: "He's more scared of you than you are of him" - Girl coaching her friend into talking to me
@50NerdsofGrey: 'I've been a very bad girl,' she said, biting her lip. 'I need to be punished.' 'Very well,' he said and installed Windows 10 on her laptop.