@WoodyLuvsCoffee: Got thrown out of the theater during the Superman movie but was able to sneak back in by putting on glasses.
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@anerdonfire2: The worst thing about that mime stealing my woman was when he silently laughed at me
@WhatevaConc: Make it awkward today by asking people what they did for Valentine's Day. When they answer "dinner", you should say "no...after that".
@agathagotstoned: Barring any distractions, it only takes about three months to teach a meerkat how to throw knives.
@dafloydsta: [therapy] ME: *in tears* So anyway, that's why I think she left me PERSON ON ELEVATOR: Please, I have a family