@michaelianblack: Got to admire these NFL players who are so committed to their jobs of beating the shit out of people that they do it even in their off time.
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@ClichedOut: Baby Judge: You're sentenced to 3 jars of strained peas. *baby bailiffs drop their squeaky toys* *an infant juror spits up*
@NotBachibawlz: I yelled at my wife "Your miniskirt is way too short!!" "Thats because its made for a woman" she replied "Now take it off & give it to me"
@david8hughes: [steps off crosstrainer] "Hey girl [out of breath, hands on knee] you like f-fitness? Cos I'm fitn--" "Shall I call an ambulance?" "Please."