@michaelianblack: Got to admire these NFL players who are so committed to their jobs of beating the shit out of people that they do it even in their off time.
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@JediGigi: Ugh my boyfriend's all "Stop asking my Dad if he likes your underoos" and "Stop snap-chatting my Mom" and "Stop calling me your boyfriend"
@MUMSIEesq: If my 3YO's fortune was "you will eat the paper inside the cookie and then cry about it for 2 hrs," this Chinese restaurant is VERY accurate
@PinkCamoTO: Me: I got my first TOTD! It's exciting! Him: What's that? M: um, well, it's an imaginary trophy... H: well then I'm imaginary proud of you.
@Audenary: *notices ham sandwich while searching inside myself* 'wait, if that's here' *son opens lunchbox to find debilitating existential malaise*