@juliussharpe: Gotta be careful. My astrologer just warned me someone pretending to predict the future would steal my money.
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@Cpin42: Interviewer: Why did you leave your last job? [flashback to everyone chanting “SHIT PANTS”] Me: It was just time for a change.
@BGH70: When choosing a heart medicine, always pick the one that causes, "significantly less bleeding." Less bleeding is good for not being dead.
@WildeThingy: Me: so I'm delusional? Doctor: yes. Me: and you're a delusion? Doctor: yes. Me: I want a second opinion. Pink Dragon: you're delusional.