@heykarlin: Gotta be tough for the guy somewhere who has to say "yeah, she left me for Charles Manson."
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@inigoomontoya: I hate when I miss the garbage truck and just have to throw trash in the neighbors hot tub again
@Steven37366100: HR: We’ve noticed a substantial amount of office supplies missing recently. Me *wearing a 3-piece suit made of Post-It notes*: That’s odd
@Fred_Delicious: [Describing guy who just mugged me to sketch artist] "He was literally kermit the frog"