@heykarlin: Gotta be tough for the guy somewhere who has to say "yeah, she left me for Charles Manson."
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@IRLPepperMD: "This is the police! Put your hands up where I can see 'em!" "But I can't-" "Now!" *t-rex panics*
@aveuaskew: My neighbors have been calling for their cat for 15 minutes. I've been meowing out the window for 30.
@WorkingMom86: My son plays this game where he's a bowling ball and the bowling pins are everything we own.
@AnkCoupleTO: Her: I'm pregnant Me: WHAT? H: Just kidding M: You scared me half to death H: My mom is coming to stay with us M: *the other half dies*