@jordan_stratton: Gotta love those girls in department stores wearing lab coats--taking time away from their experiments to help women out with their makeup.
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@novicefather: *writes employment history on arm *writes professional references on thigh *writes email address on neck *adds "resume" to resume
@scott_towel: When the grid crashes and there's no other way of communicating, we'll see whose drum circle is "stupid".
@Nickadoo: The fact that Mitt Romney opted to see Twilight instead of Lincoln this weekend probably sums up what his presidency would've been like.
@tricycle_champ: [walking away from taco truck] WIFE: whats wrong ME: nothing WIFE: did u think the truck would be one giant taco ME: *wiping away tears* no