@Moldy_Jellybean: Government shutdown day 7: Electricity still works. Water is still running. No cool gangs to join yet. Worst apocalypse ever.
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@david8hughes: [turns up radio in the car] Me: I love this song. I want us to conceive our first child to it Hitchhiker: dude just drop me off here
@MrGeorgeWallace: Good thing they had us dissect frogs in high school that prepared us for all the times in real life we've had to dissect frogs.
@KyleMcDowell86: *police sirens* *Dad bursts into my room wearing a panda suit* QUICK HIDE THESE NO TIME TO EXPLAIN *throws a litter of panda cubs at me*
@weinerdog4life: Everyone is freaking out because I brought my own gavel to court, no one knows if I'm allowed to do this, the judge is crying