@brunopieroni: "GRAAAAAAIIIINNNNS" — Vegetarian Zombie
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@myonlymizztake: Did you guys know you get a full body massage while being embalmed? I can't wait.
@itsa_talia: one time a friend asked me "how are you still single?!" and the list of reasons is still compiling in my head
@MelvinofYork: I saw a lady at work today doing “breathing exercises” and realized for the first time how lucky I was that breathing came naturally to me.
@AimeeHelene1: If I don't make this right hand turn going exactly 3 mph, the entire universe will explode & everyone will die. - the lady in front of me