@chinchillasaur: [graduation speech] all of our parents had sex during the same year and i think that's really great
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@murrman5: [walking around still disappointed 6 hours after visiting an aquarium] wife: what did you think a tiger shark was, brent
@OhNoSheTwitnt: If I knew you in high school and your Facebook profile picture is a baby I'll assume you're Benjamin Button and unfriend you.
@indecision: New healthcare plan in case Obamacare is defunded: the entire country pays for hospital bills by cooking meth.