@chinchillasaur: [graduation speech] all of our parents had sex during the same year and i think that's really great
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@CulturedRuffian: ODE TO TWITTER 🎶Twinkle, twinkle little star, How I wonder where you are, Twitter changed you to a heart, I don't think they're very smart🎶
@zachreinert03: The word tag is confusing. It can mean spray paint or touch someone & they're it. Either way, there's a purple kid in my neighborhood now
@Reverend_Scott: If I really wanted to end my life I'd probably do it by wearing a Star Trek uniform to the Star Wars Force Awakens premier.
@yoyoha: Johnny Depp is proof that if you dress like you're a member of a rock band long enough one will just form around you eventually