@TheDeducers: Grammar Nazi hiding in Argentina captured after being baited on social media with an inappropriate you're usage
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@Arrogant_Twat: Tell someone you love them today, because life is short. But shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying and confusing.
@TheCiscoKidder: The beauty of a text message is that it transcends time. You respond at your leisure. Unless it's from your wife, then you have 30 seconds.
@onion_an: Me: I've lost my kitten Cop: How would you best describe him? Me: He looks like a miniature cat
@internetluke: [snapchat HQ] Boss: anybody got anything good? Guy (who smoked weed instead of working): people with big eyes puking rainbows?