@WalkingAnxiety: Grammar. The difference between feeling your nuts, and feeling you're nuts.
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@Darlainky: Poker is a game of pretending you've got something better than you really do. Poker sounds a lot like my marriage.
@_NTFG_: In a physio waiting room amongst athletes comparing their stories. I can't wait until my turn when I tell them I slept wrong on my pillow.
@weenbeans: (child accidentally being born in butcher shop) Shirtless mother: what should we name him? Father: um..*looks around room* a..bra...ham
@gurl_sour: My autocorrect changes c**ts to China. Hey don't blame me. I'm not the racist code programmer.