@stockejock: Grandma, stop asking people what they're supposed to be for Halloween-this is Walmart.
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@JAdomian: Went to a Trump rally in New Hampshire this week. Hard to describe the vibe, but "what if the Nazis didn't care about fitness?" comes close.
@TenaciousGrace_: Part of me says, "I can't keep drinking like this." While another says "Don't listen to her, she's drunk."
@HairyJew4Life: Me: What's one thing you don't like about your girlfriend? Him: She doesn't swallow. Me: What? How does she eat?