@stockejock: Grandma, stop asking people what they're supposed to be for Halloween-this is Walmart.
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@KalvinMacleod: [speed dating] ME: I like your hair HER: OK ME: And your teeth are so smiley HER: You know this is a job interview, right? ME: *rings bell*
@squirrel74wkgn: Wife: Honey, I'm upstairs! *undresses on the run like Superman* Be right up! *stands naked in doorway* Wife: Do you remember... Pam: Hi
@LindseyEllison2: If you want to look mysterious I would suggest painting your cornea with a sharpie. Always works for me.