@clindsaysway: Grandma used the same wrapping paper for 25 years, so don't tell me about the great 'bargain' you found.
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@itshotterhere: 9: Daddy, what starts with F and ends in UCK? my face: *look of horror* 9: firetruck! What else? me: nervous laugh *pours another drink*
@bourgeoisalien: Sometimes to take a break from frightening election news, I watch something far less horrifying like 'The Shining' or 'Silence of the Lambs'
@ClichedOut: Me: Can I start digging? Society: No wtf that's grave robbing. [waits an hour] Me: How about now? Society: Ok, now it's archaeology.
@Brampersandon_: [White House] Any ideas on how to defeat ISIS? *Biden excitedly raises hand* Besides assembling the Avengers. *Biden dejectedly lowers hand*