@clindsaysway: Grandma used the same wrapping paper for 25 years, so don't tell me about the great 'bargain' you found.
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@thenatewolf: Me: [crouching next to my friend] man, some of these guys take paintball so seriously Log We Are Hiding Behind: freeze
@jackiembouvier: If I ever go missing, put up fliers saying I left a dog in a hot car so people will actually look for me.
@Sarcasticsapien: Most Trump supporters favorite Disney character is the hunter who shot Bambi's mom and we all know it.
@ArfMeasures: [Looking round a museum] ME: Hey Patricia, have you seen this pterodactyl? DATE: Yeah, but *smiles* you don't pronounce the p ME: Oh God I'm such an idiot! I feel stupid now, Atricia