@JermHimselfish: Grapefruit juice tastes like orange juice that just found out it has to work on it's day off.
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@DurtMcHurtt: My obsession with building townhouses is going to give me a complex one of these days.
@jimmytorosian: Me: Have a taste of your own medicine *I force the pills the Dr. prescribed for me down his throat* Me: WHO HAS ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION NOW?!
@noogscorner: Cop: License and registration please. Me: Give me a second, I'm drunk. Cop: Sir, have you been drinking? Me: No.