@JermHimselfish: Grapefruit juice tastes like orange juice that just found out it has to work on it's day off.
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@LackOfShame: [text from friend) Her: You doing okay? Me: Yeah I guess. Why, what have you heard?
@MandaPie1981: Is that a burrito in your pocket or are you happy to see me? I'm cool if it's a burrito.
@TragicAllyHere: Kid: MOM WHERE ARE YOU M: upstairs K: WHERE? M: upstairs K: UPSTAIRS? M: yes K: UPSTAIRS OF THIS HOUSE? M: what the? yes K: ARE YOU UPSTAIRS