@JermHimselfish: Grapefruit juice tastes like orange juice that just found out it has to work on it's day off.
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@ScottyDsntKnow3: My wife thinks I'm too impulsive. How the hell would she know? We only met last week!
@3sunzzz: [aquarium] *penguin strapped on my back* Ma'am, is that a penguin on your back? No, it's just a backpack. Oh, WHAT'S IN IT?! um, fish
@FattMernandez: Katy Perry is such an inspiration to all those young girls out there who want to grow up and ride giant golden tigers.
@Parker_Simpson: Studies show that people who start a sentence with "studies show..." have no clue what they're talking about