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-me after every wine at the wine-tasting
We need a new man of the house
*presses fake mustache into his hands*
Give this to your sister
@smickable: My mom is having a hysterectomy. This is like the time I moved away to college and she tore down my childhood bedroom.
@SmokeyDokey43: 1:40am. I get up to pee and step on a squeaky dog toy.
He grabs a bat by the bed and yells, "Fried chicken!"
So are the days of our lives.
@gavinpivott: WHY HAS THE COST OF BALLOONS INCREASED OVER THE LAST 50 YEARS??
@VikeeysSecret: "Just because you can't dance, doesn't mean you shouldn't dance"