@robfee: Gravity 0/5: Worst Space Jam sequel ever. Literally no basketball.
@stockejock: My mom's favorite part of my birthday is describing my birth in detail to an 18 year old waitress who is just there to get our drink order.
@NicestHippo: I was on my way to commit a heinous act of religiously motivated violence but then I saw a Coexist bumper sticker
@SCbchbum: Web MD should go ahead and sell caskets.
@alisha_foley: Telling someone they can't be sad because others have it worse is like telling someone they can't be happy because others have it better.
@KittyShittyy: Perks of dating me : I'm too lazy to cheat on you