@BruceForce: Gravity is just the earth being really clingy
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@freypalm: Parents: When you finish the chores will you please look for a job. Me: [painting the cat's claws] Still a lot to do unfortunately.
@envydatropic: Stuck between "that was awesome" and "OMG do you need medical attention" wherever I walk off the dance floor
@squirrel74wkgn: *drops off box to Salvation Army* "Sir, why is this box marked W I F E?" *peels out*
@trevso_electric: Fact: If you eat a slice of pizza fast enough, your body won't understand how many calories are in it.