@shatty48: Great! I just wet my pants. Now people are gonna think I spilled my drink on myself.
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@jake_likes_naps: "WHAT IS IT? WHAT IS GOING ON? IS THAT RAIN? OH GOD I WISH I HAD EYES" - Worms
@TEXASVETERAN: I wish I was Jean Claude Van Damme, not to be able to roundhouse kick my co-worker, but to bore him to death as I act out a scene.
@sad_tree: "Dad what IS the moon?" It is cheese. Delicious cheese. Thats why rats come out at nite, to look at it. We must never let rats on the moon.
@BoogTweets: Her: You're all sweaty. Where have you been? *Flash back to an hour long struggle of me trying to separate 2 shopping carts* Me: The gym.