@philmann: Great. Only a single slice of bread left in the bag. That means until I find another slice, everything that happens today is in the sandwich
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@jwoodham: INTERVIEWER: If Harry Potter was real, what Hogwarts house would you be in? ME: What do you mean "if" Harry Potter was real?
@Glynner85: The best part about having a muppet for a best friend is that when you're done singing songs, BOOM free oven mitt.
@Lisa_Laughs_: Detective: Where were you on the night- Me: Twitter Detective: Between the hour- Me: Twitter Detective: I wasn't fini- Me: Twitter
@TheRolo: I ran out of coffee this morning, beer seemed like an acceptable replacement. Everyone is so pretty today.