@Sassafrantz: Great sex is awesome like a hammock. Bad sex is trying to get out of it.
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@StarksWeek: Me: "you hang up" Her: "no you hang up" Me: "no you hang up" Her: "no y-" Jail clerk: "sir, you only get one phone call."
@stealingyergirl: [bedtime] Son: Can you leave the light on? Me: So it'll be easier for the monsters to find you? Son: What? Me: What?
@PopSlapFunk: Fun Fact: You can be charged with home invasion and aggravated assault if you use a box cutter to break down cardboard and a hobo's inside.