@Sassafrantz: Great sex is awesome like a hammock. Bad sex is trying to get out of it.
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@lloydrang: Will I. Am's headstone will read "Will I. Was," completing history's longest set-up to a punchline
@AimeeHelene1: *walks into bank dragging one of those giant checks behind me* *everyone claps & cheers* *hands check over to teller* Check is for $1.00
@jenstatsky: FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: "Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?"