@NicestHippo: "Great speech! Have you thought about giving it from behind a wooden box for some reason?" - podium salesman
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@awkwardphilippe: That awkward moment when your date says she has a hair piece but later you find out she was saying herpes.
@Book_Krazy: Me: Hi. Can I help you? Him: I'm here about the wanted ad for the one night stand Me: Great. Where is it? Him: What? Me: The nightstand.
@KeetPotato: drummer: "just add er on the end of your instrument" guy who plays trumpet: "so im a trumpeter, ok cool" guy who plays trombone: "oh no"