@ConanOBrien: Great, yet another drive-in movie ruined by the neighbors saying I can't park on their lawn and watch movies through the living room window.
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@PetrickSara: Welcome back to school kids. Please form an orderly line. If you don't already have a highly contagious virus, one will be assigned to you.
@thenoahkinsey: *on a 1st date* Her:..and I have 3 cats Me: Swipe left H: Did you say "swipe left"?! M: H: M: *panicked whisper* swipeleftswipeleftswipeleft
@QwertyJones3: Her: You don't have to cook me dinner, we can just go out. Me *tossing a jellyfish in the air like pizza dough* No it's fine I don't mind..