@devc0ol: Green tea reduces weight*
*Only if you go and pick the leaves from the mountains yourself.
@theshantilly: How long can one listen to a kid talk before it's officially considered a hostage situation?
@SocialExtortion: How to pick up women:
1-approach beautiful lady
2-bend at the knees
4-oh god she's screaming
5-put her down the cops are here
@Arr: The reason cats are so pissy is they're God's perfect killing machines but they only weigh 8lbs and we keep picking them up and kissing them
@SexyInsomniac: I still use my laptop to tweet. Also, I ride my horse through the shire to get to the blacksmith.
@MarfSalvador: Derek: You wanna go out again some time?
Stephanie: Sure, name the date!
Derek: Ok, how about 'Derek & Stephanie 2'