@devc0ol: Green tea reduces weight*
*Only if you go and pick the leaves from the mountains yourself.
@charliedelta7: Just flipped my son off behind his back because I'm an adult and don't get into arguments with 4 year olds.
@mauleePillar: Someone just sat across from me at a table at Starbucks. They got too close to my food so I bit them.
@bornmiserable: Me: This is a nice, quiet neighborhood.
Real estate agent: This is a cemetery.
Me: I'll take it.
@SamTR7: I just got an email offering "free bible verses". You know, because who can afford bible verses?
@ventivodkacran: This coffee would work better if I could throw it at people.