@droidbears: greys anatomy is so unrealistic. there is no way you can have sex in a place that smells like a hospital
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@alextranquada: We gave DanceBot a machete as a joke. No one could have predicted the rhythmic horror that came next.
@Mish3l_Ali: Girls can be so ungrateful, I made her breakfast in bed, & instead of saying "Thank You", she's all like "How did you get into my house!"
@rolldiggity: Instructions for having an adventure: 1. Stand outside restaurant. 2. Wait for someone to ask if you're the valet. 3. Say yes.
@ArfMeasures: ME [licks finger to turn page of the book I'm reading] WIFE: You're ruining that Kindle