@droidbears: greys anatomy is so unrealistic. there is no way you can have sex in a place that smells like a hospital
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@daemonic3: [drinks milk from carton] WHY AREN'T YOU USING A GLASS?!? "I went to the eye doctor" What does that mean? "He said I don't need glasses"
@ThatsSarcasm: *Picking up my kid from school in 20 years* Me: Yo shawty leggo. Kid: Please no. Me: Stop hating YOLO. Kid: You're embarrassing. Me: Swag.
@QuietPsycho: Advice from a 6 year old patient: "You should wear your stethoscope everywhere...girls will really like you. You look smart"
@Book_Krazy: How can we make people tell the truth? "Lets make them put one hand on a book & the other on their chest. That'll scare the shit out of em"