@Bizarro_Mark: Grocery store just charged me $0.10 to offset the environmental impact of my bag and then gave me a paper receipt 3 feet long.
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@Ideal_Victoria: *experiences all five stages of grief while the waiter walks by my table with what I thought was my dinner*
@dlsims01: Life is like a cup of coffee... No matter how much sugar you put in it, there's always grounds at the end.
@Ideal_Victoria: The good thing about being tall is, you can't get lost in a crowd. The bad thing is, you can't get lost in a crowd.
@FunkyFresh_79: Operator: 911 what's your emergency? Me: PEOPLE ARE TAGGING ME IN PICTURES ON FACEBOOK AND I'M NOT EVEN IN THEM!