@DallyDoll: Gross. This salad tastes like pee and vegetables. Don't ask me how I know what vegetables taste like.
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@lasergirl70: Getting rid of my cleaning person sounded like a good way to save money, until it came time to do the cleaning.
@QwertyJones3: "My brother's coming over for dinner." Ugh, is he still talking only in country names? *brother walks in* "Chad Hungary. Jamaica Turkey?"
@Rollinintheseat: My newly married friend begins most sentences with, "My husband said." My go to response is, "My dogs haven't said much today."
@internetluke: [raises hand in English class] Why do we need to be learned English? "Hmm.. Couldn't have worded that better myself, Luke"