@DallyDoll: Gross. This salad tastes like pee and vegetables. Don't ask me how I know what vegetables taste like.
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@AimeeHelene1: Him: *looking at 6 empty paper towel rolls, maple syrup, spoons, and a tennis racket on the floor* What happened?! Me: There was a spider.
@lovemydogduck: Doctor: Im sorry but your condition has become quite acute... Me: I think your pretty acute yourself *winks* Doctor: ... Me: *dies*
@PaperWash: God: kill your son Abraham: uh...ok God: holy shit I'm jk Abraham: umm... God: I'll probably kill mine tho lol Abraham: wtf?