@GroperCleveland: "Grow a pear." - How to insult an apple tree
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@sixfootcandy: You'd think my hair would be a little more cooperative considering how many times I blow it per week.
@KentWGraham: Tonight was supposed to be date night but instead I’m heading to the grocery store because my wife just texted me an eggplant emoji.
@Book_Krazy: [Therapist appt.] Hub: She doesn't have her priorities straight. *Me on FaceTime with a petting zoo in the background* "That's not true"
@_Aynne_: My favorite thing to say when a man offers me a drink is, "Of course I'll have another...I AM drinking for two, after all!"