@trevso_electric: Guantanamo Bae
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@MartaEffing: My date cancelled; said he had an emergency. I just saw him at the market buying cereal and I thought, 'I agree with his priorities.'
@Slims_Ramblings: Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Because I didn't see you first.
@Adar79Angie: Local news : box full of kittens mistaken for a bomb. I have to go to this town. I may be mistaken for Megan Fox.