@keplyq: guard your heart, cater to no man's ego, honor your own time and your energy, don't use uber. happy 2015.
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@AristotlesNZ: Me: Your shoes are on the wrong feet. 4yo: .. Me: .. 4yo: .. Me: .. 4yo: I don't have any other feet.. Me: Fair enough.
@ieatanddrink: It's so cold out today in Wisconsin I just saw a snowman kill another snowman and crawl inside his body cavity
@ericsshadow: [eulogy] "Before we get started I'd like to ask Jenny, Dawn, Rachel, the deceased's 2 sons and the entire front row to put down your phones"