@andylevy: "Guess I'll turn on the news to see what the government is up to" - The President of the United States
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@Parkerlawyer: Just saw a large group of 20 yr olds saying a blessing before eating. Then I realized they were all just looking at their phones.
@noog: In current news: US: Stop that Middle East: Stop what? US: That Middle East: This? US: Yes that Middle East: This? America: OMG STAAAHP
@PaperWash: bank robber: EVERYONE FREEZE! [everyone freezes] bank robber: [recording everyone] nice! this'll be the best mannequin challenge yet