@jwoodham: Guess when toothpaste was invented? 1892. Guess when kissing was invented? A DISGUSTINGLY LONG TIME BEFORE THAT.
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@thatdutchperson: Me: sorry I can't go to the farmer's market with you. Allergies. Friend: pollen? Me: hipsters.
@KeetPotato: me: "i re-wrote pulp fiction" director: "wow ok" [reads script] "this is literally just pulp fiction" me: "i didnt say it was different"