@markleggett: Guess who's watching Vin Diesel movies all day again? That's right: Vin Diesel.
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@Brampersandon_: [meeting a girl at the bar] ME (nervously cracking every knuckle): hi I'm brandon GIRL: please let go of my hands
@OfficialMizGin: Guy in the club: *lifts up his shirt* I do 400 crunches a day. Me: How many more until you get a personality?
@HiddleDeeDee: If your pharmacist was as hot as mine, you'd be in line for your fifteenth flu shot as well.
@PJTLynch: Girl, are you Excel? Because I claim to know you but I'm probably oblivious to 98% of what you're able to accomplish