@markleggett: Guess who's watching Vin Diesel movies all day again? That's right: Vin Diesel.
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@gerryhatric: My wife asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I winked at her. She bought me eye drops.
@jbryantiii: As a young child my mom told me I could be anything I wanted to be. It turns out that the police call this identity theft.
@IamEnidColeslaw: my favorite game is called "Secret Family." I go to the movies & sit near a group of strangers & pretend they love me
@shanethevein: The best thing about Twitter is that I can reveal my deepest and darkest secrets and you dumbasses think I'm joking.