@noog: Guide to making everyone hate you:
Step 1) Turn your hat backwards
@edwardsnathn: You're lifting weights dude, you're not in labor. Settle down.
@SoAnyway1: I remember the first time I saw my girlfriend, her hair was blowing in the wind, but she was too proud to run after it.
@truegritrumble: "How many dead bodies do I have to leave on the porch before they acknowledge me?"
@Brampersandon_: WIFE: Not your eyes! You dont have to prove it anymore
GUY WHO CLAIMS HE PUTS HOT SAUCE ON EVERYTHING: *thru tears* I made a commitment babe
@jus4golf: My daughter wants a smart car for her 16th birthday. She thinks it will do her geometry homework.