@Social_Mime: Guilt is a dish best served by Mom.
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@causticbob: A salesman knocked on my door today. "Who currently provides your Internet?" he asked. I said, "My next door neighbour."
@dshack8: I'm the guy in the meeting giving coworkers the throat slash motion when the boss says "Anybody have anything else 2 add before we adjourn?"
@iRowlf: Can prisoners ask for The Olive Garden's Endless Pasta for their last meal? If so, I think I just found a loophole in our judicial system.
@fro_vo: ME: it's time for bed *3 ducks excitedly appear at my window* ME: bed guys, B E D *3 ducks dejectedly disappear from my window*