@BucMarvin: Guinness Book of World Records should be in the Guinness Book of World Records as being the book with the most world records.
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@_Aynne_: My favorite thing to say when a man offers me a drink is, "Of course I'll have another...I AM drinking for two, after all!"
@DoucheMcBaggus: When my son gets uppity, I like to remind him that I'm totally nailing his mom.
@DaveWeasel: The words 'selfie' and 'twerk' have been added to the dictionary this year while 'charm' and 'dignity' have been removed.
@karencreets: Blah blah blah employee handbook, just get to the point where you say if you're gonna drug test me or not