@BucMarvin: Guinness Book of World Records should be in the Guinness Book of World Records as being the book with the most world records.
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@daryl_licked: My girlfriend's daughter was laying across my legs. Me: What am I a pillow now? Her: Yep, and pillows don't talk. I think we're bonding.
@hythemafia: MISSING: Black and white cat with red collar. Very, very intelligent. Mittens, if you're reading this, please come home.......
@ieatanddrink: My daughter called me "lame." Let's see how "lame" she thinks I am when I pick her and her friends up from the movies in a BOAT