@trevso_electric: Gum commercials exaggerate your odds of kissing a complete stranger in public by 780,000,000%
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@NicestHippo: If you're going to call people who aren't yet born "the unborn" then you have to call people who aren't yet dead "the undead"
@thetobbie: The only excuse for the kinds of storms that have been coming is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji...
@robdelaney: Always have a fake name at the ready so you don't tell the cops something stupid, like "Andrew Granola."