@bazecraze: Guns don't avoid critical thinking by leaning on tired aphorisms. People do.
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@MamaFizzles: The children were nestled all snug in their beds until they had to pee get a drink show me they can whistle and ask me if birds have teeth.
@shegotagronk: Shout out to my drug dealer Jamal, he's taught me more about the metric system than any of my teachers ever did.
@DevilryFun: Interviewer: We offer great benefits. Me: Can I take my two weeks vacation before I start?
@gwatts77: Facebook people don't like Twitter because they need picture illustrations to understand the joke.