@GrowlyGrego: Guns don't kill people. Cats don't sew mittens. Houses don't crap zebras. Lots of nouns don't verb other nouns. This isn't new information.
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@dshack8: Coworker: Do u have a phone charger? Me: No. CW: How about the 1 on your desk? Me: WHO ARE U CALLING A JIGGABOO LINDA?! CW: OMG! *runs away*
@iamspacegirl: [Biblical Times] God: oh shit Angel: what? God: I just realized I've been leaning on the frog button.
@IamEnidColeslaw: who gives a shit about how many spiders you eat when you're asleep? I'm worried about how many are getting into the other holes