@GrowlyGrego: Guns don't kill people. Cats don't sew mittens. Houses don't crap zebras. Lots of nouns don't verb other nouns. This isn't new information.
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@parhwy: My favourite breed of dog? Good question, thanks for asking. Either a corndog or a hotdog.
@aundreyamarie: *Looking to buy a house* ME: So, tell me about the neighborhood. REALTOR: Great school district, very safe neighbo... ME: No, I mean like the bars.. Are the bars close to here and do I need an Uber or can I just walk to them? What are their happy hour specials like?
@MyHairyLife: Male seahorses get pregnant. In related news, scientists believe men who tell women what to with their bodies come back as seahorses.
@ojedge: [1st date] Me: [putting my jacket over my dates shoulders] Her: "Thank you but I'm not cold" Me: [covering her awful dress] "Yes you are"